“onion rings are a little extra”
“that’s okay (HURRRR DURR) It will just come out of your tip!”
Sorry..not much content to write about. I no called, no showed those motherfuckers. They can eat shit. I look at my schedule and I was NOT ON ONE SHIFT for the entire week. In my world that means that a) i’m fired b) i’m about to be fired c) you just don’t give a fuck and you hate me.
Sometime around noon, Wake up for work.
6:03 pm – Come in for your night shift, ready for the night, get pumped with coworkers.
6:22 pm – You are informed that the bar back isn’t coming in tonight.
7:15 pm – Those early dinner creeps that want to hold a conversation about nothing with you, and you’re listening like
7:45 pm- This girl has a full on 3 course meal at the bar complete with 8 million special requests and needs, you want to:
8:00 pm – Things are getting going along nicely
8:33 pm – Someone asks you to “hook them up” when you make their cranberry vodka. CRANBERRY vodka…
8:45 pm – Some broad waves her hand at you like she’s trying to get a piece of scotch tape off her finger.
8:59 pm – It’s going down, gettin busy
9:03 pm – Girl asks you for a margarita but not too sweet or sour
9:13 pm – On the drenched bar top, is a CC receipt where someone dicked you out of your proper tip because math
9:20 pm – Some mouth breather starts telling you how he USED to bartend
9:22 pm – Worst person ever hijacks the jukebox
9:25 pm – Two girls are having a conversation so void of intelligence that it actually hurts
9:33 pm – One of the girls.. “My drink is weak!”
9:40 pm – That one annoying customer is all like “What’s wrong honey?”
9:45 pm – Receive the worst fake license you ever saw. Like, the signature is a font. A font made to look like handwriting.
9:57 pm – Loudest person in the room has somehow learned your name and is calling you over to the other side of the bar
10:15 pm – This kind of shit
10:16 pm – This kind of shit, too
10:30pm – Some big shot claims they were waiting too long, are a regular, know the owner. You never seen this cat before…
10:41 pm – Sloppy drunks slam up to your bar top talkin nonsense gibberish, your sober reaction is
10:45 pm – Quick, gather everyone for a bartender meeting at the taps
11:00 pm – That one regular that is super cool and tips like a boss comes in, orders a drank, says thank you like a human
11:07 pm – Co-worker informs you they think the couple at seat 6 is gone and their tab is open
11:15 pm – Girl rolls her eyes at you when you tell her you don’t carry figenza
11:35 pm – Daily giggle at dancefloor dancers
11:40 pm- You get this:
11:40:25 pm- Go over to gentleman and asks what you can get for him. He points three people down and says “she needs a drink”. You don’t need a middle man to perform your job. Let that skank get attention herself.
11:45 pm- It’s fucking busy, you’ve hit that point where your cares melt away and you just do your best
11:59 pm- You can’t find the shaker tin/strainer/bar spoon/triple sec you need
12:14 am- Tell this girl she’s cut off, she tells you to shut up
12:15 am – Nearby guido douche attempts to make conversation with you, get all buddy-buddy and shit
12:20 am – You get a chance to survey the land and realize in your head that you are like 3 deep
12:37 am – Guy comes back from an hour on the dancefloor and says that his drink (sitting the whole time) is watered down
12:46 am – THERE IS A MOMENT TO PEE
12:47 am – Drop your bottle opener in the toilet cause you forgot to take it out of your pocket
12:48 am – Get back to the bar, pass the kitchen and see chef like
12:55 am – This group decides to join your establishment
1:05am – They get all ass hurt when you can only serve maybe one of them, the only one who isn’t stumbling
1:11 am – What’s this?? Cold mozzarella sticks?!
1:28 am – LAST CALL!
1:30 am – This kinda shit starts piling out from the doors
1:46 am – Survey the damage and realize how much clean up there is still left to do
1:55 am – Start to feel it
2:05 – Fuck it make money
Arriving home, anywhere from 2:30 – 5:00 am
I’m working three shifts this week. Three. And two of them are day shifts.
OH, oh..and the one shift that IS a night shift — is waiting tables.
The cons are beginning to outweigh the pros.
On the upside, I treated myself to mixology class at the Institute of Culinary Education as a birthday present.
Just want to let you all know that there are some immature motherfuckers working at my job. From the owner who shoved my last day request note back at me, to the manager who is bad mouthing me to the other employees, to the general gossip chatter all around.
I’ve never been more sure that I’m making the right move by leaving this place.
If you have to tell me you’re a regular, you’re missing the point.
I’m hired! Sorry .. I just wanted to tell someone that. It’s a new place that doesn’t open until September, so I need to keep my excitement contained to myself… lest my current job catch wind of this, and let me go out of spite.
I can’t wait to finally sell some quality stuff instead of rattling off our list of really lame domestic beer, and telling people how “good” our mozzarella sticks are.
And they seem interested in perhaps having me on as a bit of a manager, or at the very least a trainer. #MovinOnUp
“What does the chocolate covered cherry taste like??”
It tastes like a lightly grilled salmon with creamy dill sauce.
The fuck you think it tastes like??