two tears in a bucket motherfuck it

Sorry..not much content to write about.  I no called, no showed those motherfuckers.  They can eat shit.  I look at my schedule and I was NOT ON ONE SHIFT for the entire week.  In my world that means that a) i’m fired b) i’m about to be fired c) you just don’t give a fuck and you hate me.

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One Day in The Life of a Bartender (as told through gifs)

Sometime around noon, Wake up for work.

waking

6:03 pm – Come in for your night shift, ready for the night, get pumped with coworkers.

bff

6:22 pm – You are informed that the bar back isn’t coming in tonight.

thesad

7:15 pm – Those early dinner creeps that want to hold a conversation about nothing with you, and you’re listening like

uhhuh

7:45 pm- This girl has a full on 3 course meal at the bar complete with 8 million special requests and needs, you want to:

dumpsalad

8:00 pm – Things are getting going along nicely

swingofthings

8:33 pm – Someone asks you to “hook them up” when you make their cranberry vodka.  CRANBERRY vodka…

absnot

8:45 pm – Some broad waves her hand at you like she’s trying to get a piece of scotch tape off her finger.

rllybitch

8:59 pm – It’s going down, gettin busy

partyppl

9:03 pm – Girl asks you for a margarita but not too sweet or sour

WHAT

9:13 pm – On the drenched bar top, is a CC receipt where someone dicked you out of your proper tip because math

cantcount

9:20 pm – Some mouth breather starts telling you how he USED to bartend

ohubartend

9:22 pm – Worst person ever hijacks the jukebox

listento

9:25 pm – Two girls are having a conversation so void of intelligence that it actually hurts

livetweet

9:33 pm – One of the girls.. “My drink is weak!”

scuseme

9:40 pm – That one annoying customer is all like “What’s wrong honey?”

urmyprob

9:45 pm – Receive the worst fake license you ever saw.  Like, the signature is a font.  A font made to look like handwriting.

mclovin

9:57 pm – Loudest person in the room has somehow learned your name and is calling you over to the other side of the bar

tfuwant

10:15 pm – This kind of shit

selfie

10:16 pm – This kind of shit, too

creeper

10:30pm – Some big shot claims they were waiting too long, are a regular, know the owner.  You never seen this cat before…

whothefru

10:41 pm – Sloppy drunks slam up to your bar top talkin nonsense gibberish, your sober reaction is

O.O

10:45 pm – Quick, gather everyone for a bartender meeting at the taps

shots

11:00 pm – That one regular that is super cool and tips like a boss comes in, orders a drank, says thank you like a human

tumblr_ml4idwkNiG1qjemo2o1_250

11:07 pm – Co-worker informs you they think the couple at seat 6 is gone and their tab is open

whatcrazy

11:15 pm – Girl rolls her eyes at you when you tell her you don’t carry figenza

ramsey

11:35 pm – Daily giggle at dancefloor dancers

poppinoff

11:40 pm- You get this:

raisehandmememe

11:40:25 pm- Go over to gentleman and asks what you can get for him.  He points three people down and says “she needs a drink”.  You don’t need a middle man to perform your job.  Let that skank get attention herself.

hateyoudie

11:45 pm- It’s fucking busy, you’ve hit that point where your cares melt away and you just do your best

idontcare

11:59 pm- You can’t find the shaker tin/strainer/bar spoon/triple sec you need

wherethefuck

12:14 am- Tell this girl she’s cut off, she tells you to shut up

helltotheNO

12:15 am – Nearby guido douche attempts to make conversation with you, get all buddy-buddy and shit

notfriends

12:20 am – You get a chance to survey the land and realize in your head that you are like 3 deep

wtfisthis

12:37 am – Guy comes back from an hour on the dancefloor and says that his drink (sitting the whole time) is watered down

yeah-science

12:46 am – THERE IS A MOMENT TO PEE

yes

12:47 am – Drop your bottle opener in the toilet cause you forgot to take it out of your pocket

OMGwut

12:48 am – Get back to the bar, pass the kitchen and see chef like

chef

12:55 am – This group decides to join your establishment

latenightcrowd

1:05am  – They get all ass hurt when you can only serve maybe one of them, the only one who isn’t stumbling

dealwithit

1:11 am – What’s this??  Cold mozzarella sticks?!

break

1:28 am – LAST CALL!

lastcall

1:30 am – This kinda shit starts piling out from the doors

thisguy

1:46 am – Survey the damage and realize how much clean up there is still left to do

holyshit

1:55 am – Start to feel it

everything hurts

2:05 – Fuck it make money

moneyy

Arriving home, anywhere from 2:30 – 5:00 am

gotosleep