Mixed Messages

“I want a grey goose on the rocks, straight up, only a little ice with club soda.”


Have you ever seen a grown man throw a temper tantrum?


Any server will know what I’m talking about when I say “miserable couple SO hating life that the anger in the room is palpable”.  Well.. I had such a couple stroll into my bar tonight.  Or hobble anyway.. the guy was on a cane.  Probably because his legs couldn’t handle the size of his disgustingly large belly.

Now, I do all I can at this job, but sometimes you just can’t win.  I’ve seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that are more organized than this job.  SO, I was not at all surprised when I tried to find out the details of our New Years Eve festivities and no one fucking knew a thing.  There are no floor managers to speak of, and the owners are never around.

I give this surly couple the specials menu, only to be told later that BOTH the specials they ordered could not be made on account that the kitchen had not prepped for any of those dishes.  We were not doing specials tonight.  Ok…..  great  This is news.  I ASKED for this very reason and I was told it was business as usual, kitchen open til 11.

I give them the bad news, and a couple menus so they can choose another dish.  I apologize.  My co-worker comes over with our New Years Eve menu to let them know they can order those dishes (which will be acting as our “specials” tonight).  Before he can finish his sentence, the guy blurts out “Uh, Get that outta my FACE.  Why would I want that, I can’t order anything off of it BUDDY!  OK?  God.”

It was at this point, they became my responsibility..for which I didn’t mind because we were slow and I needed something to entertain me.  My smile cut through his misery like a razor.   “Would you like another beer?”   “UGH … yeah PLEASE”.   Smile, smile , smile.  He even gave the bus boy shit, basically threatening him if his sandwich wasn’t hot or tender enough. “It BETTER be”, he says.

I was glowing with joy when I presented them with a check.  Not one discount.  I could see his blood starting to boil.  He throws his cash into the check presenter and calls me over as though I am fido or something.  “Get my change!”
He then proceeded to have a freak out over the fact that we didn’t buy him a beer or otherwise give a discount.  Well, maybe if you weren’t talking down to me and everyone around me, we’d be more inclined to feel for you.  Remember, buy-backs are at the sole discretion of the bartender.  Being a surly asshole to your bartender will not reap anything but the bare minimum of service from them.

Seeing a grown man convulsing with rage over $4 dollars brought joy to some of my last moments of 2013.  Happy New Year!!