sour

“2 amaretto sours”
You got it. In my head I’m thinking… you fucking amateurs. But hey.. someone’s gotta use up that bottle of house amaretto, right? So I hand them the drinks, he takes a sip and starts shaking his head. He props his glass up and forward over the angry crowd of St. Patrick’s Day Eve drinkers. I’ve got about 15 other people vying for my attention right now, and I’m in no mood to hear what this 20-something jack off wants to say to me.

“This is weak!”

That’s how we make them, I say.

“It’s weak as hell! Taste it, taste it”

Yeah, no thanks..maybe I’ll consider herpes another time.

I’m not gonna taste it. That’s how we make them. Do you want the drinks or not?”

Come at me, bro. I don’t think you know what you’re doing. So this motherfucker tells me.. NO, that he doesn’t want the drinks. So I dump them. They want a shot of amaretto and a glass of ice and sour mix. Our speedpours are not timed here, it’s a free pour. So on a busy night like tonight, you’re probably getting closer to two ounces as opposed to the standard 1.5 just because we are busy as fuck. Our shots are exactly one ounce. There’s no getting around that. Enjoy your weaker drink, fucking retard.

Let me just put this out here right now as a public service announcement: AMARETTO WILL NEVER BE “STRONG”. I could pound a bottle down on the bar and throw a splash of sour mix in that bad boy, and it will still never be STRONG. It is AMARETTO. Ok? Ok.